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Friday, September 11, 2020

EuroEnglish

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been  reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European  communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As  part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English  spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year  phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
 
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly,  sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will  be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but  typewriters kan have one less letter.
 
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the  troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like  fotograf" 20 persent shorter.
 
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted  to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.  Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have  always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the  horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would  go.
 
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
 
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining  "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of  leters.
 
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no  mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech  ozer.
 
Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

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